"Wichita Falls: A Survival Guide for the Unwilling" So you've found yourself in Wichita Falls. Maybe the Air Force assigned you here. Maybe you followed an oilfield paycheck. https://bohiney.com/wp-admin/edit.php?tag=wichita-county-democrats Maybe you took a wrong turn at Oklahoma and just... stayed. Whatever the reason, you're here now, and we've got https://bohiney.com/wp-admin/edit.php?tag=downtown-wichita-falls-news some truths you need to hear.
The Five Stages of Wichita Falls Grief
- Denial: "This can't be it. There must be a better part of town."
- Anger: "Why is the wind ALWAYS blowing?"
- Bargaining: "If I survive Wichita Falls this summer, I'll never complain about winter again."
- Depression: "I'm eating my third Whataburger this week."
- Acceptance: Buys a "Don't Mess With Texas" bumper sticker unironically
The Unofficial City Motto
"At Least We're Not Lawton"Essential Life Skills You'll Master
- Wind Management: Learning to walk at a 45-degree angle
- Small Talk: Nodding knowingly when someone mentions "the '79 tornado"
- Time Telling: "Sheppard's doing flyovers - must be noon"
- Navigation: Using the "big cowboy boot" or "that one Whataburger" as landmarks
The Wichita Falls Diet
Breakfast: Breakfast taco (gas station variety) Lunch: Chicken-fried something Dinner: Regret (served with ranch dressing)How to Spot a Local
- They call it "The Falls" despite there being no waterfall
- Their car has permanent dust from Lake Wichita's dry periods
- They can sleep through F-16 takeoffs
- They have strong opinions about which high school makes better athletes
The Real Power Players
- The Whataburger manager on Kemp
- The oldest waitress at the oldest https://bohiney.com/wichita-falls-socialist-rally/ diner
- That one oilfield guy who seems to know everything
- The Air Force sergeant who's been here since the Cold War
Why You'll Miss It When You're Gone
You'll catch yourself:- Craving a mediocre breakfast taco at 2 AM
- Missing the way the sunset looks over the grain elevators
- Defending the place to outsiders with "It's not that bad"
- Feeling nostalgic when you smell jet fuel
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By: Yifat Marcus
Literature and Journalism -- University of Nebraska
Member fo the Bio for the Society for Online Satire
WRITER BIO:
A Jewish college student who writes with humor and purpose, her satirical journalism tackles contemporary issues head-on. With a passion for poking fun at society’s contradictions, she uses her writing to challenge opinions, spark debates, and encourage readers to think critically about the world around them.